Posted by: draknor | July 9, 2011

Balance, by being out of balance

Balance is a difficult thing.  It is hard to recognize when things like life are in balance, because when we have balance, we don’t think about it — it just is.  Its not until something in our life gets out of balance that it draws our attention.  And you can’t typically find balance, until you have gone out of balance.  Its like focusing a camera — when I manually focus on a subject, I usually focus in, and then overshoot and go out of a focus a little bit, and then come back, to try & find the best focus.  Because only by testing the limits on both sides, can I be sure I have the sharpest focus.

Balance is also fleeting — I used to think that there was some magical combination of work, play, exercise, diet, love and self that would be “balanced”, and that I just had to find it.  When I started dating my partner I had a realization, during one of our many long conversations — balance isn’t static.  Life is not like a tower of aluminum cans, precariously balanced until something blows it over.  Life is like a bicycle — always in motion, and the point of balance is always shifting.  What feels good and balanced today may be unequal tomorrow.

I say this because I’m going through some swings these last couple of days — physically, emotionally, mentally.  I’ve become much more physically active — doing a lot of biking (a lot for me at this point in my life, anyway!).  But my diet & exercise haven’t caught up.  Mentally, I’m not ready for a lot of the creative tasks that I have on my to-do list.  And emotionally, I’ve been very irritable at times. My partner wonders where the sensitive, caring, loving me has gone.  I don’t know, yet.  I’m out of balance.  It’s difficult & frustrating to be in this position.

But it’s all a part of learning — learning about myself, about who I am and what I need and what to do when I don’t know either of those things.  Life is a journey on a bicycle; sometimes you wobble, sometimes you may fall, but you get back up because when you reach that moment when the wind is blowing in your face and the sun is shining down upon you, all is right and beautiful in the world.